c.l.e.a.n.e.r

      

    I’m really not a tidy person. It’s hard to keep things in their own respective places and somehow, I feel like there’s something wrong if it’s spick and span. I like the confusion and commotion that rubbish sometimes bring s. What I really hate is foul-smelling anything. If my eyes are not choosy, my nose is.

         Just late this afternoon while I’m waiting for the clock to strike 5pm so I could go home guiltlessly from office, I listed the things I have to do here in my apartment. Fixing my room is one of them. When I reached home, until now, the thought of that chore releases all the lazy hormones in me. I can sleep on my bed filled with all the other things that shouldn’t be on top of it. When I look down on the floor, the floor is filled too with things that should not be scattered there. I am totally comfortable with it.

          What I’m trying to say is that I have to discover suitable ways on how to spend my time other than cleaning messy rooms! Since Weak will be busy working now, I really have to find a world of my own. What will I do, I’m really not comfortable with people? Going out with them is the no-brainer time-killer. They bore me and I bore them. Should I study again? That would be on my own for the meantime since enrollment is not until June next year. Work harder? No way! At least not in this company. I also don’t think that the work would make me spend time since I don’t know what’s to do there in a lazy Tuesday afternoon.

          Read. Watch movies. Surf. Write. That could be enough for now - until Weak and I cope up with this change in his life. I’m sort of getting sentimental about this. Not only because it is Weak’s milestone but because it is like this for everyone. It was like this for me and I didn’t notice it. Because my mind was busy, pre-occupied with the excitement of having my first job and all the things that goes with it, I forgot to say goodbye to the old me – the girl who will never come back. I really don’t think this is logically necessary. I just thought that maybe I shouldn’t had been so eager  to leave the real me like I want her out of my life fast, like I never liked her at all, like I never needed her to be what she was. I should have at least said “thank you” and/or “I wont forget you”.

          I’m a little frightened, doubtful and at the same time happy and excited for weak. The first two adjectives pertain to what I feel if Weak would change for the worse. The last two descriptions are for my instinct to share my partner’s feelings. It was always him and me and all the things he grew up and is familiar with and I am familiar with. Now it is going to be him me and the entire world. I know so I’m preparing myself. I’m preparing for my new boyfriend. He will change of course, even without him knowing it. I’ll welcome those changes as long as it’s still him by the core.