Come Next Year...

          I've always believed that I am LUCKY. Being born under the Year of the Dragon, just about any year is my year. 2012 is special because this year falls under that Chinese zodiac. I am so blessed so far midway through my year. Let 2012 be a preparation for 2013 when I am planning to have new adventures. That's the key word - preparation. For now, planning is very important.

           I'll spend the rest of the years looking for my second job. I'm not really a fan of horoscopes but number 2 has always been lucky for me, hehe, so i trust my second job to be more fulfilling, more productive, more financially satisfying and all that. Let me stress the last description. I have siblings to send to school (one is an engineering student!) so there's no way I'll transfer to a lower-paying job regardless of what it may be. Who would want to demote herself? In fairness to my current job, most of the time I really get paid for doing a no-brainer. Something I don't plan to do for the rest of my career, though.


           I want to use my passport for the first time this year! Singapore would be the more realistic getaway. I also want that Michael Kors bag so badly but I have to pay debts which would be finished around November of this year. If heaven wont forbid, I want to accomplish paying my obligations and have my bag and my Asian trip this year. Who knows, I might just get so lucky.

The 16k bag that I want. Well, it's one of the two MK I want.

          What I am so thankful of is that the once-impossible things are happening to me now. My dreams, surprisingly, are all within my reach with just stronger push. I am excited again, wondering what  tomorrow will bring.


            I must admit that the last year was predictable. Everyday seemed a routine saved for a number of vacations I had. There was nothing to look forward to at work. My job isn't my everything and definitely not who I am but I spend eight hours a day there five times a week. I'm just plain bored. Imagine me getting promoted three times already but I do the same kind of work for two and a half years dealing with the same LGU, the same area, same excel files, etc. The company brings in a lot of changes but those are the changes I dont want. So instead of me blabbing about all the things I hate, I figured out it is time for me to move on to another job. Just to be fair to the company and of course, to myself.


          So next year for sure, I'll have that dream bag, the Asian trips (maybe I'll have two if I cant make the first one this year), and money for our house's renovation. This last strong southwest monsoon emphasized the age of our house and its need for maintenance. That's my new project next year. I have so many plans in my mind. I am ecstatic about those and just for that feeling of being alive, I thank the Lord. A slow and sure climb to the top is maybe what God has for me. Whatever it is, I will be happy to find out.

Another Valid I.D. On September 10, 2012

                 Yesterday was more than about renewal of PRC license –an i.d. I never really needed anyway. It was more about going back to the place I used to be on some three years ago. I remember the time when I also stood in lines in different windows of PRC Office trying my luck to be an engineer, unsure of how the exam is going to turn out. I remember the reason why I didn’t get my i.d. just until now and I realize how things are so different today. Not to be misconstrued as boastfulness, I’d like to view it more as recognition of the blessings I am receiving.  Thank God I have Php1,050.00 now to get my i.d.! Like the first three years after graduation, I still don’t have use of that card except for some bragging rights when someone sees it. But it was sweldo yesterday and I’ve got money to burn so who cares. And if I’ll be ask what the magic number is, it’s 51541! 

Like a Single Lady Again

                    My beau now has work. A better job than what I have in my opinion. I am so happy for him. That fact leads me to think that maybe good things really happen to good people. Weak had always been so nice to everyone. Good karma perhaps. Forgive me for thinking that some divinity should be included in the equation - it has always been logical to think that students who study hard get the grades and the jobs. I'm not putting him down obviously. Maybe I just wanna remind myself of the career change I really have to take this year. I should not be where I am right now-at least not anymore. I used to be "right here" then but not in the months and years to come. I have to move on. This year, which I have proclaimed my year, is supposedly for things that can correct the things I have done in the past. No more mistakes, self.
                     Saturdays and Sundays were usually so short that I had to go absent very often during Mondays from work just to spend more time with Weak. I used to complain on how difficult it is to squeeze in time for myself, my family and my love life to those two days. Now, for the 2nd week, it still is Saturday but I wanna go to work already. It has never happened to me for more than a year I guess. I suddenly got excited to work again. I know why.
                     I have to keep myself busy. For all I know, I'm somewhat in a long-distance relationship now. I haven't seen Weak for more than a week now and I still don't know when I'll see him. His job required him to travel whenever, wherever. His job doesn't recognizes weekends. It just has deadlines to meet. What's good and what I'm glad of - actually close to getting envious of - is that he gets to roam around the Philippines. It's something I wanted for in my job, the ideal part of being an ECE. The job although still unstable pays well for an entry level.
                     I'm applying for jobs online now. Before I really swore I will not get back to entry level again but if what I'll get compensates more than what I make now, who cares? I'll gladly want to be a cadet once again. This time for the course I devoted years with. I actually consider going abroad but considering Weak weighs more. Yeah, I waited for him to get work and earn his own money; delayed the trips I could have taken months and years ago just so he could come with me. But now he sets out on his own for his job leaving me inevitably. But yes, I still can't leave him. If I'll go, we will go together. I've waited this long anyway.
                     It feels so wrong now. This job I have. For years I've tried to convince myself I can make right things come out of it but to my dismay I haven't. Things have changed for the good but poor me, I can't afford to be content with those changes. There's gotta be something more, better. This is my year! There could be no other better time to make brave changes than now.
                     I've also almost got all the rewards that making me hold on a little longer with this job. I actually expected for double of what I'll get but this is life.No regrets, just move on.
                     Opportunities really come my way. There's this opportunity of starting my own little business. Fingers crossed this could happen and bear fruits. I am in dire need of things to get busy with. I need a life not ran by my love life. Plus I need the money. Please, God, lead the way.
                    Destiny is not the path given to us; it is the path we choose. With mine, I choose to let God guide me to the path I have to choose.

Mamburam's Store Sucks!!!

To the Manager,

                This letter is to complain about your staff and the service they give to your customers. Yesterday, I bought a couple of items in your store and the bagger packed the detergent soap together with the ice I bought. If I had not told them not to mix food with detergent, he would continue doing it and poison us unknowingly.

                This may seem like a small mistake that I could have just ignored. What really pisses me off is the fact that this is not the first time that I walked in to your store and walked out annoyed by the customer service! I am sure, because I hear and chat with other customers falling in line to the cashier, that I am not the only one displeased. The staff was never pleasing. They always have these frown in their faces like their so bored and/or impatient with the customers. I’ve never seen anyone smile and this is not an exaggeration. Minor complaint if only they can do their jobs right, no problem. If only there were other stores nearer we wouldn’t have bothered ourselves and live with the incompetency of your staff.

                There was also one time when an old man, one early morning, was giving directions on one of the staffs on what kind of milk he wants and it took the staff 5 mistakes and around ten minutes to give the old man what he wants. That also meant ten minutes of waiting for the other buyers! That was early in the morning when everyone is in a hurry and was running to your store expecting convenience. Pardon my words but does your staff know how to read? I don’t have to say also that the staff is very slow because everybody knows that.

                I’d like to report these grievances in concern to your store and the customers who still patronize it. I hope this letter gets the attention it deserves and lead to the changes on the way your staff treats customers.

Thank you.

111Darwin St., Greenpark

Back on Track

 I ran four kilometers this afternoon after almost 6 months of hiatus. This is to prepare for the six-kilometer fun run I’ll join this coming December 3, 2011 organized by the Malolos Cathedral organization. This is a benefit fun run I suppose since this is by the church. I registered my boyfriend, too, for the run though he’s not sure if he can be there on Saturday because of work. Well I hope he comes because honestly I don’t know if I could finish the fun run alive. Just kidding. It won’t kill me. It can almost kill me if I’m not properly conditioned. I try to run four kilometers for three consecutive days. I’ll rest on Friday and come early on the cathedral on Saturday since early birds will have freebies! Poor me, just aiming for the consolation prize.

What’s good about my treatment of this sport is that I don’t do it for competitive purposes. I’m smart enough to know I won’t win a marathon though I already placed third in a 4.7km run in Binangonan beating policemen. I do it to challenge myself. I got engaged in this sport for actually a different purpose than the challenge I mentioned-to lose weight before a wedding. After the wedding , I stopped being active meaning I didn’t get to train regularly which was like three times a week. I also missed at least two fun runs in which I was registered for free since the company I work for sponsors such events. I’m coming back for the challenge of running/walking my first 6k.

Even with the “program” I created for myself, I don’t aim for 6k which is equivalent to 15 rounds. I’m training alone what if I just die for lack of oxygen?! I might faint and expose myself to paranoid-induced dangers and shame. I’m just courageous to run 6k on Saturday because hopefully my boyfriend will run with me and will be there in case something bad happens to me.

Since this fun run is for a good cause, the Lord will guide us.

***Jaime Rivera was the “choir” for the mass at 6PM last Sunday. She was promoting her album with 18 tracks on it. I actually got interested in buying the album since it has 18 songs on it! (The eighteenth is our monthsary.) My boyfriend was getting annoying when I was about to line up for the cd so I opted not to buy.

c.l.e.a.n.e.r

      

    I’m really not a tidy person. It’s hard to keep things in their own respective places and somehow, I feel like there’s something wrong if it’s spick and span. I like the confusion and commotion that rubbish sometimes bring s. What I really hate is foul-smelling anything. If my eyes are not choosy, my nose is.

         Just late this afternoon while I’m waiting for the clock to strike 5pm so I could go home guiltlessly from office, I listed the things I have to do here in my apartment. Fixing my room is one of them. When I reached home, until now, the thought of that chore releases all the lazy hormones in me. I can sleep on my bed filled with all the other things that shouldn’t be on top of it. When I look down on the floor, the floor is filled too with things that should not be scattered there. I am totally comfortable with it.

          What I’m trying to say is that I have to discover suitable ways on how to spend my time other than cleaning messy rooms! Since Weak will be busy working now, I really have to find a world of my own. What will I do, I’m really not comfortable with people? Going out with them is the no-brainer time-killer. They bore me and I bore them. Should I study again? That would be on my own for the meantime since enrollment is not until June next year. Work harder? No way! At least not in this company. I also don’t think that the work would make me spend time since I don’t know what’s to do there in a lazy Tuesday afternoon.

          Read. Watch movies. Surf. Write. That could be enough for now - until Weak and I cope up with this change in his life. I’m sort of getting sentimental about this. Not only because it is Weak’s milestone but because it is like this for everyone. It was like this for me and I didn’t notice it. Because my mind was busy, pre-occupied with the excitement of having my first job and all the things that goes with it, I forgot to say goodbye to the old me – the girl who will never come back. I really don’t think this is logically necessary. I just thought that maybe I shouldn’t had been so eager  to leave the real me like I want her out of my life fast, like I never liked her at all, like I never needed her to be what she was. I should have at least said “thank you” and/or “I wont forget you”.

          I’m a little frightened, doubtful and at the same time happy and excited for weak. The first two adjectives pertain to what I feel if Weak would change for the worse. The last two descriptions are for my instinct to share my partner’s feelings. It was always him and me and all the things he grew up and is familiar with and I am familiar with. Now it is going to be him me and the entire world. I know so I’m preparing myself. I’m preparing for my new boyfriend. He will change of course, even without him knowing it. I’ll welcome those changes as long as it’s still him by the core.

Dear Me

       It’s always nice reading back old letters from friends. It also feels good to read your past entries on your old journal. Why? Because it feels like you’re going back to who you really are. Those notes are reminders of the real us despite  what this crazy world is trying to make of us. After reading those notes, it “feels home”.

       Those letters remind me of the love I receive back then and the assurance that goes with their promises that no matter how many years try to change us some things will remain the same. Lesson for today? I will try to learn how not to doubt the love people give me. I do that all the time and what does it bring me? It sure makes me wiser or rather harder to deceive. I realize I don’t want to end up lonely, paranoid and pessimist just because I’m trying to put reasons behind unexplainable and sometimes illogical and irrational truths.

        There’s House and there's Sparks. I have to choose whose life values I’d adapt. I’d say strike a balance between the two. Or rather, adapt Sparks’ and when you’re so drowned with the fairytale life and love you’re getting (which I think we all deserve) get some thoughts from House because really not all people believe in fairytales. For those morose and selfish people, all the world should be as morose as them.

        We are greatly affected by what we watch or read or listen to. What strikes me now is that it’s even more powerful when who we watch or read or listen to is our own self. Try uniting with your soul. It may be some sort of spirituality thing and surprisingly it heals. We will soon be reoriented on what we want-before this and that attempts failed -that made as recourse direction and believe something else. The path we want to take might change but the reason for setting out on the journey, I believe remains the same. We want something. Be reminded or that core reason so no matter how and where we will go, it would be less frightening.

       God is with us. He unites with us so it’s important to commune with ourselves. I’m saying this so that months and years from now when I find chance to commune with myself again, I’ll reminded of that peace and inspiration I experienced when I decided to begin this letter. Dear me. . .